The Femme Files

Mind Your Manners

I pride myself on my manners. I think I have them and I flaunt them every day. Give me a please and I will thank it before it’s due. But putting aside the pleasantries, the artificial airs of affection, airing your dirty laundry in public…. I have a new pickle (to add to my mounting list of nuisances) Ignorance has been bliss as I really thought that such traits were part and parcel of being human.  Recently, my current standards of etiquette (which I believe are above par) have been called into question with my OCD boyfriend raising doubt on my inability to screen aforementioned niceties…particularly with food.

Rushing to work this morning (which is ridiculous as I literally live but a hop skip and a jump from the office) were so many offenders that I really couldn’t put finger to keyboard without venting.

 I am the first person to admit that I am a grandma before my times (in comparison to my social butterfly friends) but I really cannot grasp why people eat and walk. And when I say eat, I mean scoff.

Is it really that hard to restrain yourself for but a few minutes until you reach a desired sup spot? Regardless of walking, the art of eating in itself deserves a full thesis on etiquette yet; people decide to add insult to injury and multi-task the whole process? Even more frustrating are the lengths people go to covertly snack on their evening chip packet on the 5.30 bus. Do you think we can’t hear the crackle of chips, slowly and precisely crushed by each and every incisor in your mouth? (Clearly lost their wisdom teeth)And heaven help us if they decide to finish off the leftover prawn noodle curry from lunch….every last slurp of it too.

Perhaps the reason for this rise in food walking is an inability to grasp the basics of cutlery. Last I heard, nearly three quarters of adults thought nothing of shovelling food into their mouth with the fork in their right hand and a third spoke with their mouth full. Cutlery holding, in my opinion is like spelling, not executed correctly it just looks….wrong. But I have increasingly noticed people don’t see eye to eye. Your knife is not a pen to be held at with pin point precision! And by all means, chew your food but please don’t bite down on the fork that feeds you.  Findings from the Galaxy Research report showed that for Australians:

• 87% rest their elbows on the table
• 73% reach in front of someone
• 68% eat before everyone is served
• 64% answer their mobile phone
• 49% lick their knife
• 35% lick their plate

And when it came to what they thought on etiquette:

• 57% believed they would benefit from etiquette lessons
• 65% claimed their own friends would benefit from lessons
• 53% wished their colleagues would review their mealtime manners
• Approximately half believed their family needed mealtime hints and tips

Now I do concede, there are (as always) exceptions to the rule and I am all for the late night kebab trawls, and ice creams licked off sweaty hands on a hot summer day….but pray tell me….am I being OTT?