The Femme Files

Great Expectations

Not Talkin’ Charles Dickens, But Your Relationship…

I recently read the “Love” section of my 2011 Astrology Report and it said:“You would move across the world for love; so you’d expect a lover to do the same.” 

Though it was scarily on target-I have moved across the world for love and I’d expect someone who loves me to do the same-it brought something else to my attention…

Expectations- are they allowed in relationships?

Well, for starters, having expectations are a cultural norm. Women are expected to be caring; men are expected to be strong; children are expected to be obedient; employees are expected to work hard; and so on and so forth…

Concerning relationships, it is quite normal to project our thoughts and desires onto those we are closest to.

The problem with this is when our partner doesn’t live up to our expectations. This leaves us feeling unfulfilled, unhappy and is possibly one of the greatest contributors to breakups.

Someone once told me, “If you don’t have any expectations than you won’t ever feel disappointed”. After some research, it seems many relationship experts share this belief.

Though I completely understand this logic, I have to say I disagree! I expect a lot out of myself; consequently, I’d expect a lot out of my partner. I’d like to think my love has no limits so I’d only hope my partner feels the same.

But in saying this, it begs to ask the question: would my partner even realize this?

-Probably not!

No offense guys, but your desires or expectations are often times quite simpler than that of a woman’s (Think-dinner on the table, some sexy time and a good snooze).

Because men might not expect much more than the staples, unconsciously they probably think that women don’t expect much more, either.  (After consulting with many men, my research confirms this.)

Once we understand that each person brings their own perspective to any situation- coloured by their past experiences and learned behaviour- we are one step closer to arriving to a happy medium in relationships.

 Allow me to share an example: because my parents are still together,  still in love and  maintain romantic gestures-  dad brings home mom the occasional prezzie or a surprise getaway- I expect to have a man who does the same thing…heck, my mom even expects this of me! (Talk about expectations…)

 But have I told the men who have graced me with their presence what I expect?

This is where the problem might lie. Often times we have these expectations in our heads, but they are never expressed from our mouths. How is our partner to know if we desire something if we don’t ever tell them? They aren’t mind readers!

 Though I hate to state the obvious, communication is essential.

 But before you go and run your mouth about what you expect (picture a man running for the hills) consider the level your relationship is at and what your expectations are.

If you are seeing someone casually, don’t expect them to have you meet the parents anytime soon. And if you haven’t established monogamy, don’t automatically expect they are only seeing you (or don’t be surprised if they aren’t).

Basically, make sure your expectations are realistic- if they are and you don’t think your partner knows them, talk about it. If either one of you can’t meet each other’s expectations, than perhaps you either need to re-examine them or, put bluntly, you two aren’t meant to be.

Relationships are always a work in progress. But there is no reason that two people can’t forge a meaningful bond if they see eye to eye. Keep your expectations in check and/or communicate them; and if that doesn’t work…

 -break his legs and then you two will see eye to eye!