The Femme Files

Let’s Play A Love Game

He calls you 10 times a day. Sometimes you miss the call, forgetting to call him back. Sometimes you don’t even answer at all because something more important is going on. Yet, the minute you don’t hear from him, you go into a frenzy, calling him incessantly, never letting your telephone leave your sight… Sound familiar?

Of course it does. Because without even realizing, you want what you can’t have. You want the chase.  Don’t worry… you’re not alone. Wanting what you can’t have is a fundamental, human feeling that no one is immune from. And it’s been happening since humans have ever lived and loved. The psychology behind this behaviour boils down to one word: challenge. If something is too easily obtained, it doesn’t have the same reward or value as it would had it been difficult. It’s the hunter-predator instinct within us.

Ok, this makes sense if you’re out fishing. You appreciate the catch that took you hours to reel in, making that fishy delight all the more enjoyable to eat. Though I don’t mean to compare love and relationships to a stinky recreational activity, does the same apply?

Yes, it can. When a person is a challenge to get, we’ll stop at nothing to get them. If and when we do finally “catch” them, it’s the appreciation we gain from their challenge that holds our affection. However, there is the potential to have this rewarding feeling wear off…and guess whose turn it is to be in the challenging position? The one who was a challenge to get in the beginning!

What a tiring and complicated circle that every relationship will have the displeasure of experiencing. What is one to do? Remain unavailable at all times so as to never lose the affection of your counterpart?

The answer is a quasi yes. Rather than being a constant challenge, which could actually backfire, just try keeping your significant other “on their toes.” Even if they tell you in the beginning, “Don’t play games.” My advice-don’t listen. Just having a little bit of game can keep the romance alive. Sure, it may seem a bit foolish to play games, or more appropriately, love games, but in all essence, love could be mistaken for one big game. (Feel free to think “cynic” if you haven’t already). But truth be told, haven’t we’ve all pondered the scenario in our heads before? Is it/was it love? Or was it wanting what I can’t have that I am mistaking for love?

I wish I had the answer to that question as I could be a millionaire right now, lounging on the beach in some exotic location. Yet, there may never be a millionaire in the making because that question is an impossible one to answer.  The topic of love has been pondered and questioned for centuries, without any specific formula to ensure its eternity between two people. Now, I may not be a follower of my own advice at times, but my recommendation to remain the “apple of one’s eye”: remain just a little bit of a challenge.