The Femme Files

The D*ckhead Pandemic in Perth

If you think you’ve got a lot on your brain, you may reconsider when you hear about the lady sea snails in Perth.  Marine researchers have found a shockingly high percentage of female snails off the coast growing pen*ses from their heads! (http://www.theaustralian.com.au/news/nation/pointed-dilemma-for-female-sea-snails/story-e6frg6nf-1225917685278)

Resist the urge to call these little critters “d*ckheads” – because it’s not their fault!

Known as Thais Orbita, this snail specie is common to the shores of Perth.  What is highly uncommon is the fact that almost 98% of the these lady snails now have a “male appendage” on their shells. They are being affected by the disorder called “imposex” which is caused by chemicals from the boating industry, in particular TBT, being left in the sediment they inhabit.

Just to note, the male snails are not affected by this disease as they already have their ding dongs on the brain – and that is the anatomical truth!

This disorder probably presents some confusion to these snails, but more seriously, it can cause infertility and potentially devastate the ecosystem if their population were to be wiped out. But there is hope for these creatures as environmental cleanup has seen a decline in this headache of a disorder.

After learning of this strange phenomenon, it got us thinking of a strange idea…

What if females had the chance to grow a male appendage.…

Now, before you take this in the literal sense, what we really mean is, what would you do if you were a man for a day?

At the femmefiles desk, we’ve made a list:

1. Finally play a fair match at sports
2. Eat everything we want at the afternoon BBQ
3. Beat up our older brother
4. Get ready to go out in 5 minutes
5. Earn more money
6. Have control of the TV remote
7. Not cry when watching sad movies
8. Stare at our cellulite free legs  
9. Take long lunches at work
10. Never do laundry

Femmefile readers, please elaborate on our list and let us know what you would do?

Brianna Raich at the FF