LETTING GO – How to deal with the pain of a break up
3posted 19th July, 2010 under Femme Current Affairs,The Bottom Drawer.
I recently went through a horrible break up. No, not with a boyfriend – with a very close female friend. This is something I never even considered, because unlike telling your man of a few months that you’re just not that into him, it’s harder with a girlfriend. Why? To be honest, I don’t know, I guess it’s just not the done thing. How many of you have ever told a friend that you can’t see her anymore?
The reasons behind the break up are long winded and I won’t go into too much detail, as we could be here for pages. I’ll just tell you …Ms X was a little too possessive, i.e. yelled at me for seeing a mutual friend when she wasn’t there too; made a huge scene at my hen’s night and the final straw – asked my husband into her ski lodge for some “fun” when he politely escorted her drunk arse home on a now memorable ski holiday. (This last one I only discovered years later.)
So you see, I really had no choice. I arranged a meeting, and feeling completely nauseous with nerves, told her I was hurt by her actions and I thought we should have a little space for a while. She was understandably upset, but truth be told Ms X created too much drama and negative energy in my life that I just didn’t need. That was close to a year ago now, and it’s been playing on my mind. I’m not sure I miss her exactly, but I have been wondering if she’s okay and how things are.
Life is too short to be surrounded by people who take advantage of your friendship. It’s important that relationships are reciprocal and both parties feel they are taking away as much as they put in.
Have you ever told someone you don’t want to be their friend any more? What do you consider a deal breaker for a friendship and what would push you to sever ties for good?
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26 July 2010
I have recently ended two relationships at the same time, both with men. One that I worked with and the other had been a friend for fifteen years. You may ask why both at the same time, because they betrayed me behind my back. My oldest friend (will call him Tony)was really horrible to me and I was very upset and told my friend from work (will call him Steven) who happened to meet my friend Tony through a mutual friend. Steven and Tony worked out that they knew me and then Steven told Tony what I had said and I am sure embellished on what I had said. So of course this caused problems, the result of this is I have ended the two friendships and don’t speak to either one of them. And yes I was heart broken, but one thing I have learnt.. I don’t need friends like that in my life. Sometimes it’s hard but you know what is the right thing to do for you!
27 July 2010
I too had a very good friend tell me she didn’t want to be friends any more (over a year ago) because I didn’t agree with her new boyfriend’s comments over dinner (there were 2 couples). I couldn’t believe she would compromise our friendship when the new boyfriend may not be around forever. I can only guess that she is jealous that I have been married for 39 years successfully, even though I may have had a couple of glitches. We have not talked since, even though I have seen her at social functions. I shared things with her that I have never told any other friends.
01 August 2010
Over two and a half years ago, I told a friend that I no longer wanted her in my life. At the time, we had been friends for 10 years and had lots of ups & downs, including her making passes at 2 of my boyfriends – I forgave her because I wanted to be the kind of person who forgives her friends for their “mistakes”. She always had an alcohol/substance abuse problem, had a bout in rehab and was in general terms a very self-destructive person. Throughout the friendship, I kept of forgiving her for this and that, kept on giving and supporting her through her dark times as she supported me but in the end, her demons were too present and ended-up affecting me too. When drunk or high, she’d become aggressive and say really hurtful things and one NYE was the last straw – I kicked her out of my house and wrote her an email the next day saying I didn’t want her in my life. We met a few months later at her request and I still felt like I had made the right decision even though at times, I’d like to hear how she is doing and I miss our laughter, we had a very similar sense of humor; but when the bad outweighs the good and your values are not the same, as adults, there is no point wasting time on relationships that hurt more than bring joy.